I'm scared we're getting too close too fast. I'm scared I'm trying to replace Tom with you, and I wonder whether this friendship is real, or if I'm fulfilling a fantasy. I am terrified of us together but I can't get enough of you. I love Hunter. But what if I fall in love with you just because you're new?
I am so terrified, and I don't know what to do. I should probably keep distance between us. And since Uni is coming back, distance will probably happen. I kind of hope it does because I don't want to fall in too deep in this friendship/relationship that we've made.
What if I'll never be able to make new guy friends without having some kind of feelings for him? I miss Tom, and what we had because I never had to worry about falling in love with him. Now letting myself think about it makes me want to cry because I'm going to miss having him in my life for spontaneous chats about issues or just life. What do I do?
little rambles
170714-2013
I just got back from dinner with Tom and Nicki and after that I kinda feel like I need to break up with Tom. If that makes any sense. As in not be best friends with him anymore if it's possible.
It hurts, and I'm struggling to maintain a friendship with him when Isla doesn't like me. I don't want to be friends with someone if I can't support their long-term relationship with their girlfriend, you know? Eugh. I kind of want to talk to Nicki about this whole thing because she knows him so well and maybe she can understand my feelings but I'm worried she might tell him before I've officially decided whether it's healthy for us to be friends or not.
To be honest, it feels like I'm an ex-girlfriend or something because every time he asks her if him and I can hang out she says no, yet when it comes to ANY other girl it's okay.
It hurts, and I'm struggling to maintain a friendship with him when Isla doesn't like me. I don't want to be friends with someone if I can't support their long-term relationship with their girlfriend, you know? Eugh. I kind of want to talk to Nicki about this whole thing because she knows him so well and maybe she can understand my feelings but I'm worried she might tell him before I've officially decided whether it's healthy for us to be friends or not.
To be honest, it feels like I'm an ex-girlfriend or something because every time he asks her if him and I can hang out she says no, yet when it comes to ANY other girl it's okay.
160714-1108
I spent last night in a car talking to Ellie and man have I missed her. It makes me really upset that she doesn't live here anymore and I miss her so much. On the positive side though, I'm going to Sydney and Perth in August! Although I don't want the holidays to be over yet, I want August to come so (1) I can eat meat, and (2) Those two trips.
I kind want to eat super duper healthy until the two trips so I can eat as much as I want in Sydney and Perth, but I don't know if I'm going to manage. I still need to learn not to eat when I'm not hungry.
I kind want to eat super duper healthy until the two trips so I can eat as much as I want in Sydney and Perth, but I don't know if I'm going to manage. I still need to learn not to eat when I'm not hungry.
140714-0113
Feeling a little lonely atm.
Hunter talks to me for maybe two seconds every hour and it really bothers me that we have nothing to talk about anymore. I love being with him and talking to him when we have something to talk about, but those days where we could talk every second of every day seems to be behind us now. Now we pretty much talk to each other to know that the other person is there.
Hunter talks to me for maybe two seconds every hour and it really bothers me that we have nothing to talk about anymore. I love being with him and talking to him when we have something to talk about, but those days where we could talk every second of every day seems to be behind us now. Now we pretty much talk to each other to know that the other person is there.
300614-1602
Looking at Sarah's blog absolutely depresses me. I do miss fashion/beauty blogging but I really don't have the confidence anymore - I've gained a lot of weight and when you see those skinny and beautiful girls blogging away it really strips your self-esteem.
Hopefully I can get more motivated to lose weight. Actually GO to the gym and work out and keep up with my meatless diet for July. I know it's hard to do it without someone but at the rate I'm going, I'm going to need to rely on self-motivation, and that has always failed. But I know the people around me will be great support.
Again, I'm currently trying to study and it is really hard to study this topic. It's not like A&P where I literally just had to memorise everything, this involves so much more than that. English is not one of my favourites but I'm going to need it to be a Speech Pathologist. I'll just have to prepare as much as I can for this exam and try my best to study what I can.
Hopefully I can get more motivated to lose weight. Actually GO to the gym and work out and keep up with my meatless diet for July. I know it's hard to do it without someone but at the rate I'm going, I'm going to need to rely on self-motivation, and that has always failed. But I know the people around me will be great support.
Again, I'm currently trying to study and it is really hard to study this topic. It's not like A&P where I literally just had to memorise everything, this involves so much more than that. English is not one of my favourites but I'm going to need it to be a Speech Pathologist. I'll just have to prepare as much as I can for this exam and try my best to study what I can.
270614-1056
I am so tired, I want to just crawl up with Hunter and fall asleep, sigh.
He's just there all wrapped up in the blanket sleeping and I have to be here and study for my next exam.
I did alright yesterday but I honestly don't know how to study for this exam. It's so different from studying A&P, I'm really not sure what to do.
I love this blog because I have no pressure of what I have to write or when. I don't have to inform you of every detail of my life and I'm not promoting this blog in anyway. It's just a place that I can go to when I feel like there's no where or no one else to go to.
I really hope motivation comes soon - in the mean time, I might go cuddle up with Hunter.
He's just there all wrapped up in the blanket sleeping and I have to be here and study for my next exam.
I did alright yesterday but I honestly don't know how to study for this exam. It's so different from studying A&P, I'm really not sure what to do.
I love this blog because I have no pressure of what I have to write or when. I don't have to inform you of every detail of my life and I'm not promoting this blog in anyway. It's just a place that I can go to when I feel like there's no where or no one else to go to.
I really hope motivation comes soon - in the mean time, I might go cuddle up with Hunter.
250614-1455
It's been a crazy few days but honestly I don't want to think about it. It's been good and then shitty and right now I'm in Tracey's bed at her house watching Orange is the New Black. A TV series I started watching as of yesterday. It's really good and I'm enjoying it a lot.
I'm supposed to be studying and I woke up early enough but somehow through staying in bed, watching How I Met Your Mother, and getting ready I was late because I wanted to get into town at about 11ish to get food and what not. And I still had to go to Officeworks to print off a crap load of work. God, today's experience at Officeworks was bad, and usually I love Officeworks. But I had to print off about 50 pages and 40 of them was supposed to be bound in a book. She finished the book and the rest of the sheets were printed but she decided to serve another customer while she was "waiting for the rest of the sheets to print off". I was there waiting ten minutes to get all my things, pay and leave but she decided to serve another customer in the midst of serving the first customer. God was really testing my patience today...
Anyway, back to be being lazy.
I'm supposed to be studying and I woke up early enough but somehow through staying in bed, watching How I Met Your Mother, and getting ready I was late because I wanted to get into town at about 11ish to get food and what not. And I still had to go to Officeworks to print off a crap load of work. God, today's experience at Officeworks was bad, and usually I love Officeworks. But I had to print off about 50 pages and 40 of them was supposed to be bound in a book. She finished the book and the rest of the sheets were printed but she decided to serve another customer while she was "waiting for the rest of the sheets to print off". I was there waiting ten minutes to get all my things, pay and leave but she decided to serve another customer in the midst of serving the first customer. God was really testing my patience today...
Anyway, back to be being lazy.
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